These news headlines read like the lead-in to a joke, but sadly, each and every one of these tells a true story.
Muslim Woman Denied Soda Can for Fear She Could Use It as a Weapon
She’s an Associate Chaplain at Northwestern University with a minor in carbonated terrorism.
“Guys! The video finally loaded! OK, I had to reduce to resolution size, but we’re in luck, I’ve got some binoculars right here – now let’s see what all the fuss with this Gangnam Style dude is about…”
Meanwhile, the people of Ratatonia are horrified that the rest of the world hires exterminators to kill their beloved pets.
The Feds cracked down on some high profile sites that were guilty of partaking in activity of questionable legality, the most prominent being mega-upload.com. Well, the bureau forgot to renew the licenses for these domains, so now all of the URLs they seized have been scooped up, only to feature ads for porn and drugs. More like Federal Bureau of IRONY.
Maybe he was demonstrating to everyone what not to do?
Let this be a lesson: if you’re going to drink and drive, make sure you get shit-faced enough to only be charged with a DUI.
“If you like pina coladas, and getting high on cocaaaine!”
I wish I went on field trips like this when I was 13.
I don’t know what’s worse: that people are actually believing these rumors, or that KFC is even dignifying them with a lawsuit. Unless, the accusers know something we don’t…
A prime example of flawless logic: “Let’s rape them until they’re no longer gay! Wait, better use a family member so it’s less weird, and they can see we really care about them.”